Live with non-judgement

In the 16 years that I’ve been a therapist, and in my personal life, and listening to friends and family, one theme that I hear repeatedly is how harshly we speak to and about ourselves. If only I were different, there is something wrong with me, my family is a mess because of me, I’m just an anxious or depressed person,  I can’t stop eating so much, or drinking too much…and on and on and on the inner-critic rages. Ugh. My chest tightened just writing that! I wonder how different, more peaceful we would feel, if we were to offer ourselves a non-judgemental approach to living? If we could understand that we all have certain “neurological glitches” (a term borrowed from the wonderful Sylvia Boorstein), and genetic pre-dispositions; not to mention an entire ocean amount of attachment bruising, and sometimes serious wounding; we might live much more compassionately. Reflecting on our lives with kindness takes practice, but it is this wisdom that will produce true and lasting change. Shaming ourselves keeps us stuck in a loop, a hamster wheel of more of the same; where living with non-judgement offers us  the ability to respond to ourselves and each other with nurturing presence. From the words of the Christian scriptures, we know that it is God’s kindness that leads us to any form of change. We need grace, and a wise response to ourselves that is birthed out of love alone, to create true and lasting change that ushers in peaceful living.