If your child has experienced something traumatic…

If your child or teen has experienced a traumatic event there are ways to help them process this by staying on 'PAR'.

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PRESENT -

Be attentive. Create a setting that is calm without distractions so they have your undivided attention. Don't interrupt and let them flow freely with their thoughts. Show them with your body language that you're not overwhelmed with what they are saying.

Try and be a non-anxious presence.

ATTUNED -

Tracking closely with what's happening inside your child is more important than what you're feeling. Become an investigator. Pretend like you don't know what happened. Say something like, 'I'm forgetting some of the details, can you tell me again what happened?" Do not interrupt or correct them. It is important to not be afraid of their feelings or talk them out of how they are feeling. If they are in shock, name that for them; if they are afraid, validate the incredible fear; if they are sad, hold space for their sadness.

Helping your child to feel their feelings creates incredible strength on the inside to handle a multitude of difficult experiences.

RESPONSIVE -

Stay engaged with your child. When they are done you can ask, "Is there anything else you need to tell me?" Remember, it's important to show your child that you're human, as long as you're able to stay in the parent role and continue containing the unmanageable feelings (shock, fear, etc). Ask what they need. Blankets, hugs, hot bath, rest or maybe they need to dance it out. Make sure your child knows that talking about the event isn't a one-time thing. This is showing that we aren't tired of their pain. Talk about the ways in which they were brave. Unless they are still feeling sad or scared, just stay there. Bring in the points of agency when they're ready. Once they name what they're proud of in themselves, name that over and over. "You can handle hard things!"

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The sooner you process the trauma the better. This keeps any trauma from getting stuck. Research shows that when a child has a secure parent attachment to hold and validate a terrifying event, it keeps it from being held in the body and mind as a trauma. You got this!'